it's my sisters birthday, stoked.
i'm sick of being so worried. it's not like i'm going to develop an eating disorder, i just can't eat. i don't understand it. too much stress, too much pressure, too much going on to worry about such things like this.
bridget says i just need to go to the doctor and get my body mass index or whatever checked out, because it's not right the way that this is all going about. and that i need to drink a lot of water.
but my stomach feels so acidy, it just feels gross when i drink water, and it feels even worse when i eat anything.
i need to get a job, cory just kept going on, and on about it at lunch today, and it made me feel awful. i hate not working, it makes me feel useless, and not being in school makes me feel even worse. i need to do something with my life, and i need to start now.
ben's really sick, and things have been stressing him out so much lately, with all the work shit that's going on. i feel horrible, but there's nothing i can do but sit and listen to what's going on and give him the best advice that i can. but it doesn't seem like i can help him, and it sucks.
i'm really stoked that i'm pretty much being forced to be nice to you, and you're being a two faced, stuck up bitch. thanks for that, cool.
i'm scared to call becky, i don't know what i would say. what do i say? i don't even know where to start with how i feel, i haven't talked to her since before i left, and i just can't bring myself to call her. i know she'd love to hear from me, so everyone says, but i can't bring myself to pick up the phone and call. what would i say? "thanks for walking out on dad, much appreciated."
even though that's not even entirely it. it's more his fault, then hers. but nevertheless.
you love someone, you stick it out.
but i guess sometimes you just have to leave someone, no matter how much you love them, and no matter how much they mean to you. i guess that's what love is. leave, and if it's yours, it will come back to you.
happened to me.
i'm kinda pissed, that i've got sleeping issues, it's really starting to suck. i try my best to sleep at night, but it's just not working. i guess it's slowly getting back on track. before it was falling asleep at 9 am, and waking up at 4 pm, and now i'm to falling asleep at 4am, waking up at 10 am. not near as much sleep, but hell. its sleep. and it's dark outside. and then i end up taking naps. which is going to totally fuck me up in the long run. i'm exhausted right now, thankfully.
quit being two faced. i really can't stand it.
i'm pretty stoked we're becoming friends, you seem like a pretty rad dude, and i like talking to you. it's nice to talk to someone sometimes, who doesn't really know you, or anything about you.
it's a cool feeling.
i'm kind've getting sick of your lies. i love you to death, you are my best friend and i've known you for years, but really? why is it necessary to lie? i mean she talks to me too, so she's going to tell me what you said. i don't trust her, but i don't know if i entirely trust you anymore. it's like, who do i believe. someone who used to be my best friend? or someone who is my best friend. i know you both, i know you better. but what she says could be true. you have such mood swings, i never know how to feel. i never know what to say to you. i tell you everything anyways, so i'm sure i'll tell you this. but why are we being lame? yeah, tyte.
i'm pretty stoked i'm growing my nails out. it makes me pretty happy. :) and so does how long my hair is getting.
i'm really stoked we're becoming friends. you are such a nice girl, and i adore being around you. this could go to prly four girls. i'm never friends with girls, so this makes me happy that it's finally working out.
and thanks for being my friend? syke, you obv don't want to be anymore. way to be a best friend. walking out on someone because they couldn't hang out, that's tyte right? i'm sorry i have a wrong way of going about things, or so you say, but i apologized. and i guess if you just want to throw out a four year friendship because i couldn't hang out at the drop of a hat, i guess that's your problem. i really don't need drama in my life. i don't have any, so don't fucking start any. i love you to death, and i will always be your friend, i guess youre just going to have to open your eyes and see that. cause i really don't want to sit around and wait for you to realize that i'm here for you. i have been forever. so i guess, when you come around, i might be here.
let's just all take a second to thank myspace for working properly..
i guess i just need to vent. i just need someone to listen.
i need someone to listen and not yell at me for the way i feel, or get mad at me for not liking someone. i just want someone to listen and not sit and try to tell me what to do, just. be there.
but i can't do that, because it's got to be someone who knows everyone, and won't be absolutely gay about me not liking someone.
but that's the thing, i can think of TWO people I don't like, TWO. And They're friends. And I'm really fucking nice to one of them, Even if she is a selfish stuck up bitch. and i'll never be nice to him. i'll be civil, not nice.
no one's going to read this anyways.
there's having an opinion, and sharing it. and then there's having an opinion and throwing it in someones face, and trying to make them agree, or force them to believe what they're saying is right. i don't want that. i just want someone to listennnnnn.
i'm sick of lies, i'm sick of judgements, i'm sick of people.
someone listen to me. i need a friend.
i just don't know anymore.
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misscatielady's journal
